One night, me and my friend, Violet decided to get in a fight with our friends mom and we ended up walking home from our pyjama party.
"Storm clouds are coming", said Violet, "we should hurry."
"No one told you to wear that fancy orange dress to a sleep over."
We heard the sound of the thunder and started to run. We ran until we ended up in a street we did not recognize. It was raining so hard and there were no drains, so the water started rising. The rain was so heavy that we swam in the water and landed up in a forest. We listened for the thunder but only heard silence.
Your story was great but you have a few mistakes like in the first sentence you said with our friends mom and I think you should add a ' in between d and s in the word friends so it will be with our friend's mom. In the last sentence in the last paragraph I think that it does not make sense so you may want to reword the last sentence.
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ReplyDeleteyou should put... One night, me and my friend named Violet decided to get in a fight with our friends mom, but instead we ended up walking home from our pyjama party.
and change the words to ..."There is a storm are coming", said Violet, "we should hurry."
and change the word "a" to "the""No one told you to wear that fancy orange dress to the sleep over."
When we heard the sound of the thunder and we started to panic. We paniced until we ended up in a street we did not recognize. It was raining so hard and there were no drains, so the water started rising. The rain was so heavy that we swam in the water and landed up in a forest. We listened for the thunder but only heard silence.
the rest is ok GREAT STORY
You should change the first sentence to,"... my friend Violet and I...home from their pyjama party." There should be a comma after thunder in the first sentence of the last paragraph. Good Luck!!:):)
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