It was a stormy night, and, I was working at the airport in Miami. There is a box in the cargo section of the plane that holds all the luggage, my job is to unload it.
I was unloading the luggage after a horrible flight full of turbulence. I put my hand in the box and felt something slimy. I looked inside and saw the luggage had spilled out of the suitcases. There was shampoo, toothpaste, shaving cream, and other bathroom supplies spilled on the clothing. I even saw important documents ruined on top of the clothes.
Instead of getting in trouble I walked up to my boss, told him I quit, asked for my pay check,
and calmly skipped away.
You do no need the comma after and in the first sentence and instead of writing,"...the luggage was a mess." You should write, " I looked inside and saw the luggage had spilled out of the suitcases." GOOD LUCK!!:)
ReplyDeleteIf your character is putting there hand in one singular box then it should be suitcase not suitcases. Think about specifying what 'the box' refers to. I enjoy your story and I also like your concept.
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